Are you wondering how to heal a broken heart? Oh friend, I’ve been there too and I want to share what helped me as I walked through the pain and eventually allowed the Lord to help me heal in a healthy way.
When we think about heartbreaking situations in our life obviously we think about a breakup, death and divorce, but do we think about losing a friend or even a job?
When you’re in these types of situations oftentimes it feels like you’re all alone or that everyone around you is moving on with their life when you’re just trying to get through the next minute or hour.
Learning how to process through the pain in a healthy way will jumpstart you to healing from the heartbreak.
These five tips have helped my broken heart heal and I pray they will encourage and help you too.
1. Hold On When You’re Heartbroken
In the midst of a broken heart, hold on!
What exactly do I mean? I’m glad you asked!
When I was a teenager I learned to rollerskate. I put on my rollerskates then hobbled and crawled over to the skating rink. As I wobbled up onto my feet it was inevitable that I would soon fall.
Now I don’t know about your rollerskating rink but mine had a carpeted wall with little pieces coming out that you could grab onto. As I went around the corner with the carpeted wall I would hold on for dear life.
Eventually I began to get the hang of rollerskating and could let go of the wall and roll a little bit farther, then a little bit farther. Pretty soon I didn’t have to hold onto that carpeted wall anymore.
Here’s another example of holding on. When my son, Dalton, was a toddler learning how to walk he would grip our hands as tight as he could so he could keep his balance. When he learned how to walk he didn’t hold tightly to our hands anymore because he felt safe and secure on his own.
Holding on isn’t forever.
Much like rollerskating and learning how to walk, know that holding on isn’t forever.
When it rains you get out your umbrella for just a little while until the rain stops. You still keep the umbrella around for later but only use it until it’s safe…until the storm has gone.
Holding on through the difficult days is much the same way.
What should I hold on to?
As I drove by the Ocoee River I saw people floating in rafts heading toward the rapids. I wondered to myself what I would do if I was in that raft and fell out. Naturally I would grab on tight to a rock or whatever I could reach so I wouldn’t get pulled down the current or under the boat.
Holding on tight when you’re learning how to heal a broken heart is much the same way. You hold on to something that’s going to keep you from floating away…something that will make you feel safe and secure.
Grip tight to your faith, your family, a song that comes on the radio that breathes life into your soul, quotes, etc. Whatever makes you feel safe and secure hold tight to those things.
Be careful what you hold on to.
When you’re finding something to grip tight to I want you to be very careful that you choose something healthy like the items listed above.
Doing this is so very important because when people choose unhealthy things to hold onto in heartbreaking situations they can become addicts. They walk through times that are so hard and they don’t want to deal with the pain so they turn to unhealthy things to cover and ease their pain.
Be very careful friend. There are a ton of healthy things that you can hold on to but there are just as many unhealthy things.
Holding on is not forever.
Holding on is something we need to do when we don’t feel safe and secure. You won’t have to do it forever but just until your feet hit the ground or when you feel like you can do “this.” So just keep walking through life holding on until you feel safe and secure and are ready to let go.
2. Give yourself grace.
We’re quick to give grace to others but not to ourselves. Especially as your heart is healing I encourage you to extend the same grace to yourself that you would to loved ones in your life.
Do what you need to do to get through!
This will look different for everyone and, quite honestly, friends and family may not understand your decisions. But as long as you’re seeking the Lord and His will for your life, know that His opinion of you is the only one that matters.
I’m always encouraging you to talk to trusted friends and family, and when you’re learning how to heal a broken heart it is definitely a great time to share.
When I went through my divorce I had a couple, David and Vicky, that would invite me over to their house to hang out. We’d goof around which was great for my mental sanity.
When I was ready to talk about the heartbreak I was dealing with in my divorce they were ready and willing to listen. I trusted them and I knew that what I shared wasn’t going to go any farther than their ears and it was very healing for me to get things out and let them go.
What trusted friend can you call and open up to today?
Talk to a counselor.
Someone else I want you to consider talking to is a counselor. I know the thought of going to see a counselor can feel weird or even intimidating but counselors have a special way of helping us work through the pain that we’re facing.
I’m not asking you to do something I haven’t done. Counseling was one of the best things I could have done for myself and I highly recommend it for everyone.
The bottom line is that Satan wants you to keep everything inside. When you do this you’re only hurting yourself and making things worse. Exposing your feelings to the light by sharing helps the healing process.
4. Allow yourself to feel when you’re heartbroken.
Feeling is hard and a lot of people do their best not to feel when they’re walking down a difficult road because it’s easier than facing the pain.
Do not sweep your feelings under the rug.
You may have started sweeping your feelings under the rug when you were a teenager thinking it’s just a little bit of feelings here and there. But whether you realize it or not they keep piling up and that rug is eventually going to have a big lump under it. That lump is going to keep growing and growing. It’s not going anywhere so you need to learn how to deal with your feelings.
My mom gave me the book, You Can Do This by Tricia Lott Williford, and I want to share one of the life-giving quotes inside it.
“Healing comes in telling the story 1,000 times. For better or for worse, words give life and strength. It is a brave girl who will say them out loud. Tell your story in some way today either to a friend over coffee, on the pages of a journal, in the post of a blog or in the art you create. If you’re strong enough do it again tomorrow and next week. Let yourself feel and let yourself heal.”
Wow, what powerful words. Let yourself feel and let yourself heal.
5. Mourn/Grieve Your Loss or Situation
In Ecclesiastes 3:4 we’re told there is, “a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.“
There’s no doubt that we take time to dance (celebrate the good times) but do we really take time to mourn and grieve like we should?
This passage is in the Bible because the Lord wants to encourage us to work through whatever hard situation we’re walking through. It’s okay to take time to grieve. (And know that the grieving process is different for everyone.) He understands what you’re going through and even walked through hard situations in His own life when He was here on Earth.
What is it that you need to do to begin healing from your broken heart?!
Whether it’s finding something healthy to hold on to, giving yourself grace, talking to someone, or allowing yourself to feel and mourn, I’m here for you my sister!