Who Comes First in Marriage? A Biblical Answer You May Not Expect

What does the Bible say about putting your spouse first? It’s a question many of us quietly wonder about as we try to build a marriage filled with love and trust.

The Bible gives us simple but powerful wisdom on how making your spouse a priority can bring more closeness and respect—even when it feels hard. Choosing to put your spouse first isn’t always easy, but it can truly change the way you love and connect.

Let’s dive into this biblical truth and see how it can bring more peace and joy to your marriage.

Here’s what we’ll cover in this post:

The Moment God Showed Me Who Should Come First in Marriage

My husband had become the most important thing in my life – my everything.

I was in my early twenties and married only a very short time when the Lord whispered deep into my heart that I had put my husband in a position that wasn’t reserved for him.

Without even realizing it, I had put him on a pedestal…yes, even above my relationship with the Lord.

I can still remember the moment when the Lord revealed this truth to me and showed me that my husband had become an idol in my life. We were counselors at a retreat for the church’s student ministry.

It was there that the Lord opened my eyes to the situation in my heart. I promised Him that, with His help, I would do everything I could to make Him number one in my life again.

Choosing to put the Lord first in my life and marriage was the best decision I could’ve made. It also became a crucial step in learning to fully rely on Him. Little did I know, just months later, one of the most challenging seasons of my life would unfold. I discovered my husband was having an affair, and we would divorce the following year.

Take it from me: putting the Lord first in your marriage not only leads to a healthier relationship with your husband but also with the Lord.

Does the Bible Say to Put Your Spouse First?

Putting God First: The Foundation of Marriage

“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, ‘Of all the commandments, which is the most important?’

‘The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.'” – Mark 12:28-31

This is the heart of it—God is first in everything, especially in marriage. When we love God with everything we have, everything else falls into place.

The Lord’s Priority in Your Marriage

Think of your Christian marriage as a triangle. You and your husband are the two bottom points, and the Lord is the point at the top holding everything together. When God is at the center, your marriage becomes strong, healthy and steady.

Your spouse should be your second priority in your marriage.

As women, some of us might get a little uncomfortable or even offended when we read verses like Ephesians 5:22-25:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

I’ll be honest — those verses made me uncomfortable too. They can feel heavy or even unfair.

But here’s something important to remember: the first and most important submission is to the Lord. Our husbands are called to submit to Him too.

Ephesians 5:21 tells us something beautiful:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Marriage isn’t about one person having all the power. It’s about both of you choosing to honor God by loving and respecting each other.

Yes, submission can be challenging, especially because we live in a broken world where pride and selfishness often get in the way.

But when you and your husband submit to God first — together — it creates a foundation that helps you both navigate life’s challenges with grace and unity.

Understanding the Husband’s Role: Is He the ‘Lord’ of the Wife?

Some people wonder if this means the husband should act like the “lord” of the wife, controlling everything. But the Bible paints a very different picture. Husbands are called to love their wives just as Jesus loved the church—and Jesus never bossed people around. He served them and gave His life for them.

Rebecca McLaughlin explains it beautifully in Confronting Christianity: husbands’ love should mirror Christ’s self-sacrificial love—one that serves, protects, and lays down its life for the other.

“[This] is a call to pay attention to the character of Christ. If we hear the call of husbands as a mandate to oppress and dominate, we are forgetting that Jesus came not to be served but to serve, not to lead an army but to give His life as a ransom.

Today, ask God to show you one small way you can put Him first in your marriage. Maybe it’s praying together or choosing patience in a tough moment.

How Putting God First Strengthens Your Marriage

Ultimately, prioritizing your husband’s needs isn’t merely about thoughtful gestures—it’s a biblical path to enduring love.

By anchoring your relationship in God’s guidance, you cultivate trust, respect, and unity.

When you prioritize your spouse as the Bible instructs, your marriage is anchored not just in emotions but in unwavering faith.

When you put God first in your marriage, you’re not just strengthening your bond with Him but with your husband too.

Putting the Lord first creates a healthy marriage… and isn’t that what we all want?

When you put God first, you’re setting your husband up for success.

We’ve all seen the movies with the perfect husband who does no wrong. He reads her mind, knows everything she needs, fulfills her deepest desires, and they live happily ever after.

While this may look like the perfect marriage, I hate to break it to you—the perfect marriage doesn’t exist. We are all broken people living in a broken world!

Set your husband up for success by putting the Lord first and letting Him fulfill the deep desires and needs in your heart and life.

Practical Steps to Prioritize God in Your Marriage

1. Pray Together Daily

Begin and end each day with prayer. This shared spiritual practice invites God’s presence into your relationship and fosters unity. As Philippians 4:6-7 encourages, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.“

2. Study Scripture Together

Set aside time to read and discuss the Bible as a couple. This practice aligns your hearts with God’s will and provides guidance for navigating life’s challenges. Hebrews 10:24-25 reminds us to “spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together… but encouraging one another.”

3. Serve Others as a Team

Engage in acts of service together, such as volunteering or participating in church activities. Serving others fosters a shared sense of purpose and strengthens your spiritual connection. 1 Peter 4:10 states, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.“

4. Attend Church Together

Regularly participating in worship services and church activities provides opportunities for spiritual growth and community support. Acts 2:42 highlights the importance of fellowship, stating, “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.“

5. Establish Boundaries with Technology

Set limits on screen time to ensure quality time together. This intentionality allows for deeper connection and communication. Ephesians 5:15-16 advises, “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity.“

Marriage & Bible Priorities: Your Top Questions Answered

Have more questions about what the Bible says about marriage priorities? Let’s walk through a few that come up often.

Building a Stronger Marriage with God at the Center

it’s about aligning with God’s design for a marriage that lasts. When you follow biblical principles, your relationship deepens in trust, respect, and unity.

A marriage rooted in faith goes far beyond emotions—it’s anchored in something eternal. Keep these truths close to your heart and watch your bond flourish.

Ready for a practical step? This week, pray together daily—even just five minutes—to invite God into your conversations. Then, reflect: how did that time with Him shape the way you connected with your spouse?

Remember: when you put God first, you’re not just nurturing your marriage—you’re setting the stage for mutual success, unwavering love, and a home built on faith.

If this was helpful in learning what the Bible says about who should be first in marriage, you might also like:

• Learn how to encourage your husband spiritually…it’s not as hard as you think!
• Be the best wife you can be by learning how to be a godly wife and positively influence your husband.
• Draw closer in your relationship with the Lord and your husband with one of these devotions for couples.