Learn what my pastor, who has counseled hundreds of couples, has to say about how to be a godly wife. I think you’ll agree that the truths he shares from the Bible are very powerful and eye-opening.
I’m excited to share this teaching from my pastor, Brady Cooper. He shared this at a women’s event that I attended and it was too good for me to keep to myself. He graciously agreed to let me share it with you too.
One of the amazing abilities that God has given women is the ability to influence others.
I’ve seen this gift in my wife with my boys when they were young and now with our grandchildren.
Women have the powerful ability to change the way a person behaves or sees themselves.
Never before in our culture have we needed to show what it means to be a godly wife in a very confusing climate.
Are you positively or negatively influencing your husband?
As a wife you have the ability to influence your husband in a positive or negative way.
Each week in marriage counseling I see more and more that women are choosing to use their influence in a negative way. They’re attempting to control and manipulate their husband.
Here’s the dirty little secret that nobody wants to talk about – most men are scared and intimidated of their wife.
In marriage counseling I’ll ask the wife to leave the room and the husband will admit that he’s walking on eggshells around his wife because he’s scared of her.
One of the reasons men can be intimidated in marriage is because relationships don’t come natural to them. They know that women are better at relationships than they are.
When things get difficult in marriage men see their wife attempting to control the situation.
You can get results from control, but you’ll never have intimacy with your husband as long as you’re using control.
Do you want true intimacy with your husband?
Your ability to influence your husband is a powerful gift that can be led by the spirit of God.
It can change him in a positive or negative way.
God can do a powerful work in and through you with your influence and He can help you influence your husband well.
If you desire intimacy with your husband, ask the Lord to reveal to you if your husband feels fear toward you.
If you want to be a godly wife, Wrestle with whether or not you have moved from influence to control in your relationship with your husband.
How To Positively Use Your Influence To Be A Godly Wife
1. Put God first in your life and marriage.
The enemy whispers in your ear that nobody would blame you if you don’t follow the Lord’s will in certain areas of your life.
He tells you that it’s ok to dismiss behaviors and areas that are too hard even though God has called you to obey Him.
You’ve been convinced that it’s ok to live a compartmentalized life and put God first in some areas of your life but not all of them.
A godly woman walks in obedience in all areas of her life.
You will never have the spiritual sensitivity you need to respond to the movement of God unless you obey Him in all areas of your life.
Living a compartmentalized life will rob you of the Holy Spirit’s potential in your life and marriage.
In Luke 1:5 we meet Elizabeth. The Bible says she was “righteous in the sight of God, observing all the Lord’s commands and decrees blamelessly.“
She was a woman that was serious about her walk with God.
But she didn’t have it all together.
In her many years of living, Elizabeth had never been able to conceive a child. (She was a barren woman.)
Living a righteous life before God and being barren didn’t go together in her culture.
The people during this time thought bareness was God punishing them for something they’d done wrong.
But Elizabeth chose to obey all the Lord’s commands no matter her circumstance!x
Action Step: Ask God to reveal to you the areas in your life where you’re walking in disobedience.
2. Don’t grow bitter over life’s hurts and pains.
If Elizabeth would have shown up to a first century women’s event she would have been looked at with disdain.
Everyone thought she wasn’t able to conceive because of sin in her life that she hadn’t deal with.
Because of her bareness she had lived with this disgrace her entire life.
But in all of this she never grew bitter. God eventually removed her disgrace and allowed her to become pregnant in her old age. (Luke 1:25)
Don’t miss out on what God has for by being stuck in your bitterness.
Even though Elizabeth was a barren woman, she didn’t waste the years of her life by being bitter.
Instead, she invested in the opportunities that God gave her.
Scripture tells us that when Mary found out that the she was pregnant with Jesus, the first person she visited was her aunt, Elizabeth. (Luke 1:39)
This shows the character of Elizabeth and how she cultivated an incredible relationship with Mary.
Elizabeth didn’t waste the years of bareness and turn them into bitterness.
The same can be true of you!
I don’t dismiss the fact that you have real hurt and pain in your life, but you can miss out on what God has for you by being stuck in the bitterness you feel over the barren places in your life.
Action Step: Ask God to reveal to you the hurt in your life that has caused you to grow bitter.
3. Let the Lord fight the battles in your marriage.
Elizabeth’s husband, Zechariah, struggled with doubt and unbelief in his walk with God.
We see this when an angel appeared to tell him he was going to be a father. He asked, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.”
Elizabeth let God fight her battles and deal with Zechariah’s unbelief. (God disciplined him with 9 months of silence.)
The dirty little secret that no husband wants to talk about.
We touched on it before but it’s worth sharing again.
So many men feel controlled, intimidated and in fear of their wives. I see it every single week in counseling sessions!
God has given you incredible influence over your husband. This can be Holy Spirit led influence that can impact him beyond your wildest imagination or it can turn into control and destroy your relationship.
Action Step: Ask yourself these questions to figure out whether you’re influencing or controlling.
- Am I trying to change my husband?
- Do I try to manipulate my husband by using fear tactics?
- Am I withholding sex or overly playing on emotions to get what I want?
Whether you realize it or not, these tactics are control and not influence. They are very unhealthy and will destroy your marriage.
You’ll never have true intimacy with your husband if he’s in fear of you and continually walking around on eggshells when he’s around you.
Instead of trying to control the situation in your marriage, step back and let God do His work.
God dealt with Zechariah, and God will deal with your husband too.
If there’s an area of your husband’s life that needs to be dealt with, the Holy Spirit is more than capable of handling the situation.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t share unmet needs or things that are concerning or bothersome to you!
You’ll find that the way God will deal with your husband will be far better than the way you would.
4. Build up your husband instead of tearing him down.
Have you ever been to dinner with another family and hear the wife tear down her husband?
You’re floored when the words come out of her mouth.
You see the look on his face and he is positively mortified.
Whether it be in public or private, choose to build your husband up instead of tearing him down.
Action Step: Ask God to reveal to you how you can best build up your husband.
5. Recognize that nothing you do for your husband is insignificant.
In all the years that Elizabeth was barren she was pouring into others. We see it in her strong relationship with Mary.
As you pour into your husband, know that every single thing you do for him that you think is mundane and insignificant is not!
God will use every act of service or mundane request for His glory and your good.
He is redeeming and using the moments of you serving your husband.
God is writing a story with your life that will be unbelievable if you’ll only let Him finish it.
Action Step: Ask God to remind you that He has a bigger purpose when your acts of service to your husband feel mundane or insignificant.
A prayer to be a godly wife.
Father, you have given me the beautiful gift of influence.
Help me to use it in a positive way and show me how to be a godly wife that you have called me to be!
Show me how to be a positive influence to my husband and love Him the way you’ve called me to.
Help me do the hard work of talking with other women and asking them to point out any weak spots in my life and marriage.
Lord, burn the truths from your Word deep into my heart and empower me to walk in the influence you have given me.
Transform my relationship with my husband!
If this was helpful in learning how to be a godly wife, you might also like:
- Draw closer to your spouse while drawing closer to the Lord with these devotions for couples.
- Feel like you’ve hit a dry patch in your relationship with your husband? Learn how to rekindle your marriage and find romance again.
- My husband and I share what we learned about honesty in marriage and whether or not it’s really necessary.