Motherhood is hard enough and the last thing we need to do is put extra pressure on ourselves. I don’t know about you but I do that to myself all the time. So today I’m not only encouraging myself but I’m wanting to encourage you too…to extend a little bit of grace to yourself. Follow along to see what I’m talking about.
Hi friend! My name is Tshanina and my mission is to help you live an abundant life. If you’re not already following along on my blog or my social media channels I’d love for you to do so. And I’ll let you in on a little secret – my favorite place to share on social media is on stories. That’s where the real life of our family and behind the scenes and all the fun is. So if you haven’t checked me out over there please do so, and say hi when you do.
Now I already mentioned that we as moms put unnecessary pressure on ourselves..so much pressure it’s crazy.
We compare ourselves to each other. We glance around on Pinterest and think, “Oh I wish I could be that way,” when that’s now how we are.
I’ll talk about myself for a minute – because this is the week leading up to my son’s 4th birthday. And I can’t help but want him to have an exciting time on his birthday. I want it to be memorable and fun. But I also can’t help but think about last year and the birthday cake that I made. And how it was a disaster. It was ugly, friend. It fell apart. The icing was all melty.
But do you think he remembers that? No, he doesn’t. He doesn’t care. He ate it. We all had it. It was great.
But I can’t help but think of the cake that I’m going to make this year and hopefully it’s going to be good and not a disaster as well.
Pressure! It’s the pressure I’m putting on myself.
I can’t help but think of the gifts that I’ve bought him. Yes I used up the money that we had budgeted for it, but is it enough. It’s never enough…we always think that, but it is!
He’s going to love the things I bought him. I think about kids in the old days. They only had one thing and they were so excited to play with that. Oh how life would be different if we were living back then – in so many ways.
I think about parties and how I’ve chosen not to throw a birthday party for him until he’s older, until he can remember it. It’s okay not to do things that we don’t want to do for our kids. I don’t want to do a birthday party and it’s ok. But I don’t have to put the pressure on myself that so and so did a party so I probably should too, or I need to have this big gathering of people to surround him. But that’s not me. That’s not what I want to do, and it’s ok. So I don’t need to have that unnecessary pressure on myself.
We have unhealthy expectations – that’s a better way to look at it.
We expect our children to be perfect. Ok, maybe just me. Do you expect your child to be perfect? I’m sure a lot of us do.
We want things for our kids that we can’t afford, so we put that pressure on ourselves.
We want to take them places that we can’t take them right now.
We want to do things but we can’t do it right now.
It’s all unhealthy expectations.
I was talking to a friend – sharing candidly with the ladies in my Bible study about a month ago and I was telling them some mom stuff that I was going through. And one lady, after the study was over, pulled me to the side. She said, “I want you to have healthy expectations for yourself as a mom.”
Now we know that we’re supposed to have healthy expectations but when she said that to me it really pierced through my heart. So I want you to hear that too. You need to have healthy expectations of yourself.
Your child is never going to be perfect…it’s just not going to happen.
You may not have the finances to do the things you want to do. But you know what? Your child probably isn’t going to notice, or it’s not going to matter.
You may not be able to do the things that you want to do. And that’s okay because whatever your child is living with, that’s normal to them. They love you. You are their everything.
I want you to have healthy expectations of yourself. Let that resonate in your heart.
She also said to me that the only thing that matters is that at the end of the day your child knows that you love them.
Does your child know that you love them?
Do you tell your child that you love them?
Do you show them you love them? Not by giving them things, but by giving that warm embrace, maybe. By wrapping your arms around them and telling them that you love them. By spending the quality time with them they desperately want.
Are you giving yourself healthy expectations as a mom? I know I struggle with that, as I shared just a few minutes ago.
So as you walk through the day, remember that the most important thing is that your child knows that you love them.
Give yourself healthy expectations. Take that pressure off of yourself that you don’t need.
And I want you to give yourself grace!
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