Skip to content
What does the Bible say about putting your spouse first? It’s a question many of us face as we try to build a stronger relationship.
The Bible offers clear and powerful advice on how to prioritize your spouse in a way that leads to deeper love and respect. While it may seem tough at times, making your spouse a priority can truly transform your marriage.
Let’s discover how following biblical wisdom can bring harmony to your relationship.
The Powerful Lesson I Learned About Priorities in Marriage
My husband had become the most important thing in my life – my everything.
I was in my early twenties and married only a very short time when the Lord whispered deep into my heart that I had put my husband in a position that wasn’t reserved for him.
Without even realizing it, I had put him on a pedestal…yes, even above my relationship with the Lord.
I can still remember the moment when the Lord revealed this truth to me and showed me that my husband had become an idol in my life. We were counselors at a retreat for the church’s student ministry.
It was there that the Lord opened my eyes to the situation in my heart. I promised Him that, with His help, I would do everything I could to make Him number one in my life again.
Choosing to put the Lord first in my life and marriage was the best decision I could’ve made. It also became a crucial step in learning to fully rely on Him. Little did I know, just months later, one of the most challenging seasons of my life would unfold. I discovered my husband was having an affair, and we would divorce the following year.
Take it from me: putting the Lord first in your marriage not only leads to a healthier relationship with your husband but also with the Lord.
Does the Bible Say to Put Your Spouse First?
Make the Lord Your First Priority in Marriage
“One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, ‘Of all the commandments, which is the most important?’
‘The most important one,’ answered Jesus, ‘is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.'” – Mark 12:28-31
The Bible is very clear about who should come first not only in your marriage but in all relationships. The Lord!
The Lord’s Priority in Your Marriage
Picture the Christian marriage triangle: you and your husband are the two points at the bottom, and the Lord is at the top. This image helps illustrate how prioritizing God in your relationship forms a strong foundation for a healthy marriage.
Your spouse should be your second priority in your marriage.
As women, we often get offended or feel demeaned by the verses in Ephesians 5:22-25:
“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.“
I’ll admit it, those verses step on my toes too!
But keep in mind, first and foremost, we are all called to submit to the Lord. And your husband is called to do the same!
Ephesians 5:21 says, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
In our broken state, we struggle with submission and may even resist it. But when we submit to the Lord together, we can navigate life more harmoniously.
Does This Mean the Husband is Lord of the Wife?
Your husband has a high calling too. Take a look at Ephesians 5:25:
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Your husband is called to love you as Christ loves the church.
When you read about Jesus in the Bible, did He “lord it over” people?
No, He served them and ultimately gave His life for them.
This excerpt from Rebecca McLaughlin’s book, Confronting Christianity, is very enlightening:
“[This] is a call to pay attention to the character of Christ. If we hear the call of husbands as a mandate to oppress and dominate, we are forgetting that Jesus came not to be served but to serve, not to lead an army but to give His life as a ransom.
When husbands are called to love their wives, ‘as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her,’ the word translated ‘gave up’ is the same one the Gospels use when Jesus is handed over to be crucified.”
Jesus submitted to dying on a cross.
What better way to navigate this life as a follower of Christ than by submitting to the Lord together?
How Putting God First Strengthens Your Marriage
In the end, prioritizing your husband’s needs above your own is about more than just kind gestures—it’s a biblical approach to lasting love.
By following God’s guidance, your relationship can grow in trust, respect, and unity.
When you prioritize your spouse in the way the Bible teaches, your marriage will be rooted in something much stronger than just feelings—it’ll be anchored in faith. Keep these biblical truths in mind, and watch your relationship flourish.
When you put God first in your marriage, you’re not just strengthening your bond with Him but with your husband too.
Putting the Lord first creates a healthy marriage… and isn’t that what we all want?
When you put God first, you’re setting your husband up for success.
We’ve all seen the movies with the perfect husband who does no wrong. He reads her mind, knows everything she needs, fulfills her deepest desires, and they live happily ever after.
While this may look like the perfect marriage, I hate to break it to you—the perfect marriage doesn’t exist. We are all broken people living in a broken world!
Set your husband up for success by putting the Lord first and letting Him fulfill the deep desires and needs in your heart and life.
FAQs
What Does It Really Mean to “Put Your Spouse First’ in a Christian Marriage?
Putting your spouse first in a Christian marriage is all about prioritizing each other’s needs while making sure God stays at the center.
It means loving and serving each other selflessly, like how Ephesians talks about husbands loving their wives like Christ loved the church, and wives respecting their husbands.
It’s about being there for each other, putting each other’s needs above your own, and making sure God guides everything you do together. When you do that, your relationship grows stronger and deeper.
How Can I Put My Spouse First Without Losing Myself in the Process?
Putting your spouse first without losing yourself is about balance. Prioritize their needs, but don’t neglect your own.
Keep God at the center of your marriage, communicate openly, and set healthy boundaries. Make time for self-care and encourage each other’s personal growth.
A strong marriage allows both partners to thrive individually while growing together. Remember, a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, love, and understanding.
Is It Okay to Prioritize My Husband Over My Children and How Do I Do It Without Guilt?
Yes, it’s okay to prioritize your husband over your children – the Bible teaches that your marriage should come first.
In Ephesians 5:31, it says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Your marriage is the foundation of your family and should be nurtured. Prioritize quality time together with your husband, work as a team, and explain to your children why your relationship matters.
A strong marriage benefits the entire family by modeling love and commitment.
Building a Stronger Marriage with God at the Center
Putting your spouse first isn’t just about kind gestures—it’s about following God’s guidance for lasting love.
When you prioritize your spouse in the way the Bible teaches, your relationship grows in trust, respect, and unity.
Ultimately, your marriage is rooted in something much stronger than just feelings—it’s anchored in faith.
If this was helpful in learning what the Bible says about who should be first in marriage, you might also like:
- Learn how to encourage your husband spiritually…it’s not as hard as you think!
- Be the best wife you can be by learning how to be a godly wife and positively influence your husband.
- Draw closer in your relationship with the Lord and your husband with one of these devotions for couples.
This topic is one that needs to be talked about. I did not realize how much my husband was my idol until he went to heaven. It wasn’t until I was in a widows grief group and heard the facilitator say that widows tend to put their deceased husbands up on a pedestal that I realized that I had put my husband on a pedestal long before he died. It was a real awakening for me.
Thanks for sharing, C!