Decisions are so hard and sometimes we automatically say yes, but many times we need to say no. I’m sharing four questions to ask yourself before saying yes.
I recently read Lisa TerKeurst’s book, The Best Yes, with my girlfriend. Oh man, it was such a good book and I foresee that I’m going to need to read it again and again so that I can glean all of her invaluable information. This book is definitely a must read for every woman!
I learned so much that I just have to share my takeaways from one of the chapters with you.
Lisa begins chapter 5 by sharing about a decision that she needed to make. A young college student had asked if she could live with their family for a short season of time.
As you can imagine, this was a hard decision for Lisa. She has five children, is a busy mom, and has a position at Proverbs 31 Ministries. Her plate was full. Lisa explains how she was in turmoil. Initially she felt that the right thing to do would be to say yes and agree to letting this young lady live with them for a short season. But this turmoil was a signal to her that the obvious answer may not be the best yes for her.
The four questions that she asked herself before making a decision are questions we need to be asking ourselves too!
Four Questions To Ask Yourself Before Saying Yes
1. Does this fit physically?
2. Does this fit financially?
3. Does this fit spiritually?
4. Does this fit emotionally?
The first three questions Lisa asked herself were pretty black and white for this particular situation. She had the room in her house for her to fit physically. She would be paying a small amount of rent so it was a fit financially. And the young lady wouldn’t keep her from digging into God’s Word, going to church, etc., so it was a fit spiritually.
But the fourth question is where Lisa had to really think about whether or not to say yes or no to this situation (and I love how she goes in depth in her book and teaches us how to figure out if something fits in our life emotionally.)
There’s no doubt about it, figuring out whether something fits emotionally is where most of us (or maybe just myself) struggle with whether or not to say yes.
So many times we just automatically say, “It fits financially, spiritually, and physically,” but we don’t think about our emotional needs or how something we’re going to say yes to will drain us and take away precious energy or patience that is needed for us as an individual, or for our family.
In the end Lisa decided that letting the young lady stay with them was not a good fit emotionally because of the season of life she was in. As you can imagine, telling this young girl no was so very hard for her to do.
Why do we find it so hard to say no?
While there are a tons of reasons for finding it difficult to say no, here are the most common for me! We don’t want to let people down. We want to be the person that everybody wants to come to and hang out with. We feel that saying no to people will cause them not to like us.
I love what Lisa says, “Saying no doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me the wrong person for that assignment…every assignment isn’t for us.” If I say no to something, there’s somebody else that the Lord is going to use who will be able to say yes and get a blessing out of that situation. (And there’s a good chance that they can do it better than me.)
Do you ever feel like you need to be everything to everyone and say yes every time you’re asked to do something? What would it be like if before you said yes, you went through these four questions to determine if it was a fit physically, financially, spiritually, and emotionally?
There will be times when your answer will be yes, and that’s great. Then there will be times when your answer has to be no because it’s not a fit for this season of your life. That’s okay, too.
The Best Yes isn’t about saying no all the time. In fact, Lisa encourages us not to walk around with a NO plastered on our foreheads. We just have to learn that there will be times when it’s okay to say no. She shares ”The best yes will require having the courage to say no to some things.”
My friend, the next time you have a decision to make will you take the time to go through these four questions before you say yes? Will you ask yourself if it fits physically, spiritually, financially and emotionally?